The ( $60 ) Tuxedo

I saw Mitch again. Mitch is a guy I've seen at every festival, I've been in (and gone too). Sarasota, Florida, Los Angeles and AFI. I've had three projects within these four festivals. LMNO, Heathens' Music Video and Lonely Lights. And well, Mitch is the same.

He's a festival consultant for - what I'm now considering - every fuckin' festival. He seems to be a nice guy. Extremely - political. Is he really happy to see me? He's a strange cat. I'm not sure, exactly why I even talk to him - other then the fact that he's someone I know from somewhere else. Besides the friends that are their beside me.

I guess, I'm trying to network - you know - mingle - get the word out - make sure people know that - hey - this guy's a director who's about to make his first feature
(as soon as he has funding).

But - he's always in a hurry, this Mitch. We say hello - in an elevator and shake hands walk towards the party ( he gets interuppted by someone with a lot of money - I stop (wait) - and he catches back up - we walk in to towards the party. And our conversation stops. We say goodbye and that's that.

Strange.

The universe is wild. AFI is incredibly diverse. There are many people from other countries and suddenly - I'm realizing - fuck - America needs to catch up. Because artistically - we are falling short. Sure, we make a shit ton of fucking money - but that's only going to last so long - everything America's doing right now just sucks. Our cars, our movies - thank God for Brooklyn's music scene or we'd suffer there too - Australia is fuckin' hot right now.

People from across the globe are supported in their artistic endevours. And it's easy for them, because film for them is still - an artform and has yet to be considered - a cash cow. Let's hope to fuck, they never figure it out. Please dear God - I hope.

I rented a tuxedo for the first time ( well, I wore won back at my Aunt's wedding when I was like eleven and had an alien forehead - just imagine please ) and went to the Opening Night for AFI. We saw Bobby.

FUCK BOBBY. The movie not the man.

I walked the red carpet again - which is

amusing/embarrassing/humilating/ridiculous

You basically are escourted by a volunteer who introduces you to the press. Press = 10,000 cameras and angry, bitter faces. Also flash bulbs. As they look at you they judge and basically give you the thoughts -

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME ON THE RED CARPET FOR?! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? SHORT FILM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME -

They are of course - interrupted in these thoughts when - EMILIO!

EMILO! EMILO THIS WAY! OVER HERE! TO YOUR RIGHT EMILO! EMILO! EMILO! LOOK OVER HERE EMILO!

It's maddness - we quickly shuffle off to the side and scurry into the amazing Chinese theater. An hour and half later - past when the movie was said to start - they begin the opening Thank You which is long, but expected.

Then Emilo talks about his movie. I'm excited. This could be good - this could -

HOLY FUCK WHAT THE FUCK?

The cast is there. A majority of them. Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Freddy Rodriguez (Six Feet Under), Shia LeBeouf, Lindsey Lohan, Pacey - I mean Joshua Jackson, Christian Slater, Helen Hunt, The Numb3rs guy, Nick Cannon, Laurence Fishburn, Harry Belafonte, and a few others - I'd go straight for Demi Moore. Fuckin' hot.

All of them standing and supporting - Emilo. MIGHTY DUCKS?

The movie starts - stock footage, a monologue, music - cool. I like it. This could be really relevant. Cool - this is a movie about the hotel, about the people in the hotel the day he was shot. Cool. I - oh my GOD THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!

I'm in a tuxedo. And I hate life. The worst movie of the year - is pouring, glazing over my eyes. Long dramatic monologues, horrible sappy music, horrible sappy characters.

And Helen Hunt. Where did you go - I liked you. You were fun! You were my little squirrel actor. You look like a squirrel - a cute little - good acting actress you.

She was horrible. Just remember - BLACK SHOES.

ugh.

Afterwards, I had to get a drink so the crowd sauntered over to the Roosevelt Hotel - while Sharks with Sharpies and Posters and Headshots swam through the crowd seeking its celebrity victim -

CHRISTIAN CAN I TAKE YOUR PICTURE! He stops and poses, putting his arm around the extremely happy "I'll never wash this arm again" lady fan - although his publicist/assistant/bodyguard woman said no. I like Slater for that. Fuck them for rushing him to a party and ignoring a fan or two.

The party sucked. I took a month off of being vegan - fuck feeling guilty _ I'm eating McDonald's - and then I had a stir of bad luck - and I did feel guilty - and I did realize - I should just be a man and stop eating the fuckin' animals.

Of course the day I start (this day) there's only vegetables (that are most likely soaked in butter/oil).

ugh.

It's a fun experience. And the people I see - the world that is - the film festival - is pretty funny.

Havey Weinstein spoke at the podium before introducing Emilio. He seemed nervous. That was really charming. And Bobby was Emilio's art film. Like Nicholas Cage's Sonny. _ Not Bono by the way. And as horrible fucking horrible as it is -

by the way - my hate for Ron Howard comes from his disrespect of my intelligence. I hate being treated like I can't understand the basic language of cinema and Ron Howard thinks he has to explain it to me. Emilio feels the same way - that if he doesn't say it once, twice - fifteen fuckin' times what the movies about/the plot turn is - the twist. He's not sure, I'm going to get it. I get it. Your film isn't that fuckin' complicated to begin with - don't fuckin' make it worse.

ugh.

it's his movie. And he made it - with a shit load of awesome/not so awesome actors and actresses. At the party afterwards, Harvey was standing around talking to important people - just two - and his assistants were holding his stuff - a few feet back. I could have walked up to him - and said something to him. I could have approached Harvey Weinstein. Instead, I just purposely walked by him, so that I could rub arms with him.

I'll never wash this arm again.




just kidding. maybe.