I'm Sad Because It's Over

Last year was the year of transformation. Of change.

I came out. I moved to Los Angeles. I graduated college. The democrats took the (although seemingly pointless) majority in the US legislative branch. Major changes in my life. I said at the beginning of this year - that this year would be the year of "upgrade." Where last year we take a dramatic turn - both in environment or status - this year, we will find begin to cement our future and begin to slowly discover.

Where we're going.

At least for me.

I'm listening to sad music. I feel like I'm fifteen years old. I'm angry. I'm a child. I'm incredibly sad and - feel like crying. And it's over a stupid children's book.

Harry Potter is over.

In just a few hours, I'll be standing in line for the last book. I'm going to hang out at the party and "geek out" with the rest of the world as I exchange thirty or so dollars I don't have for a few more days (or hours) of the saga of one man's journey to become a man. And reconcile the death of his parents.

And fulfill his destiny.

A few days ago, I finished "Half Blood Prince." And felt horribly sad again. For those who know the ending, you'll understand. In the end, we are alone to face our greatest struggle.

I recently discovered that I'm incredibly nostalgic. I miss my childhood. I miss magic. I miss it suddenly. And I miss my parents. I miss hanging out at school and feeling the whole world is ahead of me.

I miss sitting on the beach and only imagining what's next.

Anything can happen.

That great hope and expectation is so incredibly powerful. And important. For so long, I'm seeking the future: The next day. The next step. A feature film. A career. Financial stability. And now, I sit here. The sun setting. A breeze floating in through my quiet Hollywood apartment typing and waiting.

For it to end.

A few weeks ago - The Sopranos ended. The greatest television show. Ever. Period. And it ended. Like all things. There are those who beg for a new episode. As there are those who will want more Harry Potter.

But all things end.

In my film, The Lonely Lights. The Color of Lemons., the ending sentiment the girl gives the Jogger is this.

"Some things begin, but everything ends."

I'm still stuck with that. That everything we try to make. Everything we try to become. Everyone we try to be. All that we want to be - may never come to pass.

But everything ends.

Even a simple children's story.

And childhood.

Fuck.

I'm sad.