The Important

I recently digested my feelings to friends. Feeling like I needed to get it off my chest. Some were understanding of my plight. Others really didn't care. Get over it. They'd say. I felt frustrated and annoyed.

I talked to many different types of friends. Those who know and don't. Who care and don't. Suddenly, however, I realized what I'm looking for - more than a love interest or a film deal is to feel important.

There's something so incredibly powerful about feeling important. It makes some announce to others what they're doing. Why they were chosen (among others) to carry out whatever makes them sound - important.

For the past few weeks, the urge to feel important has grown. I've wanted to gain this level of affection that gains me some reason that my existence is necessary. I don't dismiss my friends and their support in me throughout the days. Even at my most horrible - but suddenly, after crushing on a someone that'll never pass, I realized that no one really cares. My life isn't that important. And my feelings, good or bad, isn't going to affect anyone else.

So, instead, I've grown suddenly lonely. I'm not sure where it's come from. Maybe from this incredible cycle of unsatisfied crushes. A most appropriate term as each crush has ended as such.

I realize as well, that I did things for this dude, that I didn't do for others. I made myself tired. All for the few exchanges of words. The knowing glances. There was a point at which we were on opposite sides of the road. One on one. The other on the other. And the road felt like a river.

And as he ran across, my heart skipped. To this day, I wonder if I do that for anyone. And wonder why they won't just tell me. I'm ready to hold onto the stars together.