You've Got to Make This Work

I've had a serious lack of motivation lately. I'm distracted by a future that isn't certain. I'm hoping I can put that to rest today, but I'm seriously scared that my future could fall apart. I'll know by the end of the day.

And to throw more coal into the fire (as they say) - my father's in the hospital. There doesn't seem to be too much danger in it. He's waiting to get into the ER. As far as I can gather, he recently had ear surgery and now, a week later, he has a small blood clot. I spoke with my father and step mom and they didn't seem too anxious. I'll also find out tonight about that.

There's this fear in the air.

I'm trying to remember it. Hold onto that feeling so that I can recreate it in my new feature script (fear between vultures) but it's hard to concentrate. It's hard to focus and get things done. I think today, I'm just going to clean the shit out of my house. Reorganize my things. Get everything put away and dusted.

Then maybe, I'll be able to breathe. I'll watch the last bit of American Idol and then sit quietly in front of this computer screen.

And write.

And find out what happens.

(until tonight).