I like to use words in different ways. Create a new definition for an old word. Or - re-contextualize a location or place, such as The Daytona Mountains. Or the Metro Kansas. In my writing, I've done this alot and in my relationships - a ton.

For some reason this allows me to clearly define something that is much more complex. than a simple idea. Especially a feeling. A mood. A tension, that I feel. And if I'm able to define it. Even in a nonsensical way, like "crackerjack." It seems to make more sense. Like there's some order to the chaos that is constantly running around me.

I woke up today and defined my current feelings/emotions/situation as crackerjack. And for some reason - it's worked. Today, I've felt so much better. And every time, I feel a bit of anxiety or uneasy tension - I remember that it's just that feeling. It's OK. I accept it and understand it. It's settled in my brain and relaxes me.

Doing this makes things better for me and hopefully, I'll be able to calm down and be a better person for those who need my patience and understanding. Without this sense of definition and order - I feel lost and unable to control the situation. And that is only bad for everyone.

When, things are undefined - I need to define them.

And suddenly, I understand religion.