Talking to Myself

Occasionally, when I'm frustrated. Alone. When I want to say something to someone - I talk to myself. I talk as if they are sitting on the other side of the room and I look them "directly" in the eye and I say what I need to say.

Sometimes it's an angry and fiery speech about how much they hurt me or how much they are wrong... other times it's a confession. I've done this for sometime, long as I can remember. I would tell crushes how I felt about them. I would yell at my parents. I would give speeches in front of my class. I would interview about my films... I would give acceptance speeches as awards shows.

When I found about playing Sundance, I practiced many times over what sort of Q/A I might receive. I thought the question and I gave an answer, out loud, in my room. Sometimes, I may be just out of the shower or bored, home after work.

This sort of thing tends to distract me from what I would like to do as well. I find I'm a daydreamer. I have created many milestones in my life. Things I want to accomplish. I realize as well - that I'm getting older. My goals, my needs - my desires are changing.

This year has been the first time that 30 has peeked it's head up.

And it's the first time I look at those around me who are younger and I don't relate to them anymore. It's weird, disconcerting - but, it seems a fact of life.