I've been sick this past week.
Being sick for me - sucks. I start thinking it may mean something more - a flu isn't just a flu to me. Those who know me, know why and then, as I start to feel better, I feel kind of silly for being so dramatic.
The other night, I was going to take a hot bath. Soak my cold skin and read a book. Something romantic to forget my fever and body aches. I haven't bathed in my tub since I moved in three and half years ago. My bathtub also acts as the drain for my washer - so every time I do a load of laundry, I get the dirty soap water from the washer. Kind of disgusting.
So, I went in to wash my tub and saw this spider with only five legs. He was a daddy long legs. I hate spiders most of the time, but this guy seemed sad. Maybe, I was just so sick and felt a bit inferior to my minor cold. I look at him and felt upset. A spider could live with five legs, but what's the point? How much does it hinder him? I'm sure he can still spin a web and crawl around, it's not like he's down to three or four, he has the majority of his legs - but there's just something very sad about it.
I cried a bit - not very long, because I felt immediately stupid, crying over a five legged spider - creatures I usually can't wait to kill or destroy but I think I just felt... drained.
I left the bathroom to grab a paper towel so that I could remove the spider and put me out in some nature somewhere and when I got back, he was gone.
I'm not sure where he went but I could only assume he went into the drain and by now, he's about guaranteed to be dead. I cleaned the bathtub, started the water and got in. It filled up about a quarter of the way before the cold water came - the hot water ran out.
I tried to make the best of it but sitting in a quarter filled tub luke warm felt like a bad idea when I am sick. I got out within about five minutes. A complete waste of water.
At night, I've been having trouble sleeping.
I usually fall asleep to Brian Williams or some Nightly News program (Anderson Cooper or Diane Sawyer) but now, I find myself watching all of them and still not sleeping. I try to read but get bored, tired and the moment I shut off the light I wake back up again.
I also sweat a lot at night, not sure if I'm sweating out fevers or if it's too hot in my room (which it totally is not) but in the morning, I'm usually pretty annoyed from a bad night sleep.
For now, I'm about 85% back. I've lost about six pounds which I plan on putting back on as soon as I eat a few gobs of ice cream and pizza... salmon burgers and broccoli only go with sick Ben. I do hope to eat better, so maybe I'll keep this off (probably not).
Regardless and on a more important note: I want to start using MIXPOD with all my friends - I'd like you guys to set one up and make some mixtapes - so that I can find new music. I LOVE new music. I just bought WATCH ME FALL by JAY REATARD (who died early this morning).
It's fantastic, however I hate to find new music this way.
So - RIP Jay & my five legged spider friend.